Beautiful and moving. I am realising this a lot at the moment. Feels like I'm having rock bottoms with not managing my life and logistics every day cos of executive dysfunction that probably isn't going to change. So I feel very scared and stuck. I need support but there isn't really any so not sure what to do next! Maybe cut down hours at work and learn to live on less? Is there a solution? Doesn't feel like it rn
I've been in a similar spot too. Kinda crawling out of it still. Where every day feels like a failure not cuz you’re doing anything wrong but the basics feel impossible and nothing’s structured to catch you. That mix of fear and inertia, like you’re already maxed out but there’s no off-ramp, is depleting in a way that gets hard to even explain.
I’ve also wondered if cutting hours or scaling back would help. Not to solve it all, just to reduce how much falls apart every week. It’s hard, though. Less work means less money, which adds its own stress. I feel like sometimes it’s the difference between barely coping and being totally submerged. I’ve had to trade ambition for barely hanging on, and while that sucked, it also made some breathing room.
I don’t think there’s a clean solution when support’s missing. But I know there are ways to carry less of the impossible, even if they’re messy or unconventional. Whatever you try next (cutting hours, shifting expectations, even letting some things go), I just want to say it makes sense. You’re not imagining the heaviness.
I was the new kid in high school (mother never asked why I didn't want to go back to the boarding school after Christmas) getting to know the others in the smaller rural school. Four boys asked me to hang out with them on Friday night but dad had bought tickets to see the Broadway cast of HAIR in Chicago. Part of his sales pitch was "there will be naked boys" but that's another story. Went to see the show, train then drive home noticed bright lights and many flashing lights out past the high school likely on a rural road intersection area. Saturday a girl stopped by to tell me that three of the boys died in a car crash and the fourth was in a coma. Monday morning first class "Chris pick up your books and sit up here in Chris's seat" then classes continued as if nothing had happened.
Monday night a wake was scheduled. "Mom, what should I do?""You'll figure it out"... I didn't, so didn't go.
A few weeks later the fourth boy returned to school. "I understand what you're going through now."???"Your, concussion." I didn't recall ever mentioning that. Next day he told me what they had talked about... They so wanted for me to be their friend and teach them about camping, hiking, canoing, cooking outdoors, shooting a rifle...
Like most of the class we coped with cannibis, drinking, other drugs... Most of that class was together since kindergarten...
I still hate funerals and still am not sure how to handle them or myself.
The other points, yeah I was often the one to lead, figure things out, had responsibility pushed on... And I managed to cope.
You carried so much on your shoulders in that moment... new in a strange town, torn between a once-in-a-lifetime trip with your dad and the pull of those boys who just wanted to belong. You weren’t “rude” or uncaring for missing the wake, just overwhelmed. And grief rarely comes with instructions. You did what you could by keeping going, stepping up when responsibility landed on you.
It’s okay that funerals still feel impossible. There’s no right way to say goodbye, only your way. I've experienced a lot of loss in life and have chosen not to go to funerals. I'll go to wakes but not the funeral. I don't feel like I've honored people any less by not going to the funeral, because I often think about them, remember what they taught me, etc. I've been judged for this but I stand by it.
Thank you so much 😊I appreciate you saying this because it's all I ever hope for, is for people to feel seen. Also thank you for thinking about the courses ❤️
"Eventually, people started calling you “capable,"... not knowing it was the result of no one else ever being prepared for your needs."
Oooof, this hits home. Beautifully articulated!
Oof. This hit me right in the heart.
Beautiful and moving. I am realising this a lot at the moment. Feels like I'm having rock bottoms with not managing my life and logistics every day cos of executive dysfunction that probably isn't going to change. So I feel very scared and stuck. I need support but there isn't really any so not sure what to do next! Maybe cut down hours at work and learn to live on less? Is there a solution? Doesn't feel like it rn
Thank you 😊
I've been in a similar spot too. Kinda crawling out of it still. Where every day feels like a failure not cuz you’re doing anything wrong but the basics feel impossible and nothing’s structured to catch you. That mix of fear and inertia, like you’re already maxed out but there’s no off-ramp, is depleting in a way that gets hard to even explain.
I’ve also wondered if cutting hours or scaling back would help. Not to solve it all, just to reduce how much falls apart every week. It’s hard, though. Less work means less money, which adds its own stress. I feel like sometimes it’s the difference between barely coping and being totally submerged. I’ve had to trade ambition for barely hanging on, and while that sucked, it also made some breathing room.
I don’t think there’s a clean solution when support’s missing. But I know there are ways to carry less of the impossible, even if they’re messy or unconventional. Whatever you try next (cutting hours, shifting expectations, even letting some things go), I just want to say it makes sense. You’re not imagining the heaviness.
I relate to what you are saying due to uncertainty about how to move forward. Support is so limited.
You'll figure it out... And you did... Sort of
I was the new kid in high school (mother never asked why I didn't want to go back to the boarding school after Christmas) getting to know the others in the smaller rural school. Four boys asked me to hang out with them on Friday night but dad had bought tickets to see the Broadway cast of HAIR in Chicago. Part of his sales pitch was "there will be naked boys" but that's another story. Went to see the show, train then drive home noticed bright lights and many flashing lights out past the high school likely on a rural road intersection area. Saturday a girl stopped by to tell me that three of the boys died in a car crash and the fourth was in a coma. Monday morning first class "Chris pick up your books and sit up here in Chris's seat" then classes continued as if nothing had happened.
Monday night a wake was scheduled. "Mom, what should I do?""You'll figure it out"... I didn't, so didn't go.
A few weeks later the fourth boy returned to school. "I understand what you're going through now."???"Your, concussion." I didn't recall ever mentioning that. Next day he told me what they had talked about... They so wanted for me to be their friend and teach them about camping, hiking, canoing, cooking outdoors, shooting a rifle...
Like most of the class we coped with cannibis, drinking, other drugs... Most of that class was together since kindergarten...
I still hate funerals and still am not sure how to handle them or myself.
The other points, yeah I was often the one to lead, figure things out, had responsibility pushed on... And I managed to cope.
You carried so much on your shoulders in that moment... new in a strange town, torn between a once-in-a-lifetime trip with your dad and the pull of those boys who just wanted to belong. You weren’t “rude” or uncaring for missing the wake, just overwhelmed. And grief rarely comes with instructions. You did what you could by keeping going, stepping up when responsibility landed on you.
It’s okay that funerals still feel impossible. There’s no right way to say goodbye, only your way. I've experienced a lot of loss in life and have chosen not to go to funerals. I'll go to wakes but not the funeral. I don't feel like I've honored people any less by not going to the funeral, because I often think about them, remember what they taught me, etc. I've been judged for this but I stand by it.
This. Feel seen so much in your work.
P.s looking into going through your courses when have time - I love how you have titled and structured them 💜
Thank you so much 😊I appreciate you saying this because it's all I ever hope for, is for people to feel seen. Also thank you for thinking about the courses ❤️