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Here I Am Now!'s avatar

Yes I have problem with speaking and how you see the world and speak is similar to me - I stumble stutter and blunder for words and all upside down and inside out and yet actually make complete sense to me

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Here I Am Now!'s avatar

Makes utter and complete sense to me!! I have the same exact thing… it is as if I am speaking another language to others and I expect I am to someone who can make order of things

But order or disorder what is that? There is no level that is normal or the same for one person… I think in me it is rather extreme the nonsense I must express however for the looks the actions in others it can inspire or form… only adding ever more to a story I do not recognise as myself…. Thank you for making me feel less alone and seen and heard too just by what you write say do and through your essential work too

I never make sense and yet the world is beautiful because it does not follow linear lines nor can be boxed up or contained within them 💙

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Autistic Ang's avatar

You put something chaotic into words in a way that feels familiar and strangely comforting. I’m really glad we’ve found this kind of connection in the mess. What a great end to my day, getting confirmation from others that talking is indeed difficult. This feels so amazing. I feel like crying but happy tears 😸

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Here I Am Now!'s avatar

Oh what a beautiful thing I feel blessed and so happy and grateful too- happy heartfelt heart opening and expansive tears big giant gulping ones are the best! I rarely connect or feel connected or able to be still with others in day to day but am so grateful to have a friend and hand to hold in you too- this space allows the most wonderful threads of gold across the world through art words and vulnerability which is obviously our superhero power 💙 I am almost starting my day with no sleep so I pray that may you have a wonderful rest peaceful in the Knowing that all is well and out of this world here only good things will come to be 🙏

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Autistic Ang's avatar

Thank you thank you thank you!!!! That's so validating. SO validating. I do find it fascinating that I have the words in my head, and they're organized, but it's like there's a logjam trying to get them out of my mouth in the right order. But it's also just as frustrating because I'll say part of what I wanted to, then forget the next part because I have to backtrack and get the first part to make more sense to the other person. Then when I go to move on, I have this sense of I forgot the next thing I wanted to say, so gotta move on to the thing after that. and hope it connects back. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

All this to say again - thank you 😊

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Allan White - Dyspraxic Lens's avatar

I've been evaluated for autism but never diagnosed as such--most of the more recent clinicians I've dealt with all opine that I'm definitely dyspraxic though. I also can have highly variable speech rates an patterns. Some days the most effective way to express something will just roll right off my tongue effortlessly. While other days, my speech might be functional but just not quite as dynamic and effective. But even at my best, my speech will generally have a somewhat slower cadence to it as though syllables will linger on my tongue for a little longer. I think this has to do with how dyspraxia can affect motor control of the vocal apparatus.

When I'm at my worst--like under chronic stress, time pressure, lack of sleep, etc, my speech will decompensate considerably and become more circumstantial or I may have more difficulty in "finding" the right word(s) to say.

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Autistic Ang's avatar

I've been sitting here trying to think of how to respond but all I really have is a feeling of joy. Just actual relief, maybe. Like, I didn’t know how much I needed someone to just get it and how it would feel. Talking has been the damn bane of my existence, except in certain situations. The “yeah, same,” from you matters more than I expected. Thank you ❤️

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Allan White - Dyspraxic Lens's avatar

I'm glad that I was able to make you feel seen and less alone

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