Why I'd Rather Text You

(It's Not What You Think)

I know it seems strange. Maybe you’ve noticed that I don’t call you as often as you’d like. Or that when we talk in person, my words feel halting, cautious, like I’m tiptoeing through a conversation. But when I text you—when I sit behind a keyboard—I feel like I can finally say what I mean.

There’s something about the written word that feels safe. When I write, I have the time to choose what I want to say, the freedom to edit until my thoughts come out just right. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s that, for me, verbal communication comes with too many layers.

In real time, I’m constantly filtering . . . managing my facial expressions, my body language, the tone of my voice. There’s no pause button, no space to breathe. And while I’m juggling all of that, the actual message—the thing I really want to say—can get lost in the noise.

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But when I text, the world goes quiet. I can take a second to think. I can delete and rewrite until the words on the screen finally match what’s in my head. I don’t have to worry about the pressure of saying something “right” in the moment. And when I send you that message, it’s real. It’s unfiltered. It’s me.

I know you might think written communication feels distant or detached, but for me, it’s the opposite. It’s where I’m most honest, most open. It’s where I can express what I can’t usually manage in spoken words.

So if I text instead of call, it’s not because I’m hiding from you. Really hear me. And this—these words on the screen—is where I feel safe enough to let you in.

— Autistic Ang

(New podcast episode here and Autistic Living Toolkit post)

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