The Ones Who Hover
Some of us stay in your life like fog on glass. Not quite gone. Not quite visible. You feel us there, just behind the smudge.
For some, this is carelessness. Distance. But for us, this is the only way we know how to love without losing ourselves entirely.
It isn’t fear that keeps us on the edge. It’s history. Nervous systems that never learned what steady closeness feels like. Bodies that tense when warmth lingers too long, bracing for the turn.
So we hover.
We mean every word we say but can’t stay in the room long enough to be heard properly. We leave conversations half-open. We disappear for days, then come back with softness in our eyes.
We’re not playing games; we’re fighting a battle no one sees.
We’ve learned to survive by staying light on our feet. By preparing for impact, even in calm. Every relationship becomes a calculation—How much of me can stay before I dissolve?
It’s easy to label this as detachment. Easier still to call it cold. But we who hover are often the ones who feel the most. We just never got the memo for what to do with all that feeling.
Still, we try. Remain near in the only way we know how. Sometimes love looks like presence. Sometimes proximity.
That hovering—awkward, incomplete, unresolved—is its own kind of devotion.
And if we ever do step all the way in—if the air clears, and we land—it’s not an accident.
It means we finally felt safe.
— Autistic Ang
(New podcast episode here)
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