The Moment You Realized No One Was Coming
Part 1 of 3: The split-second silence before self-rescue
This is the first of three pieces about a specific kind of realization—one that doesn’t happen all at once but in stages. Not a collapse. A slow truth clicking into place: no one’s coming. Not in the manner you needed. Not with the kind of care you thought was universal. Each part explores what that truth does to a person and the residue it leaves.
The moment didn’t scream. It barely made a sound.
A flicker. Something subtle. The breath you held for too long. The pause before movement since part of you still believed someone might show up.
And then they didn’t.
They didn’t notice. Or didn’t think it was serious. Or thought you were handling it.
So you did.
That was the beginning of the split. The private, precise second when you understood what kind of person you were gonna have to be. Measured. Watchful. Never off guard.
People call it maturity, strength. They don’t see the pressure behind your eyes. The kind of tired that sleep can’t touch. The planning, the hyperawareness, how your mind runs simulations twenty steps ahead just to stay safe.
Witnesses saw resilience. It was actually lack of choice.
Breaking down wasn’t on the table. You got good at holding yourself up before the ground ever gave way—no one else was trained in your emergencies.
And you didn’t get the luxury of explaining.
But if this moment had a sound, it would be the sound of a mind deciding, I will carry this. And it did.
Maybe someone else out there is carrying the same thing. Right now. Reading this.
That second split time into before and after.
Some people moved on.
You moved differently.
— Autistic Ang
* Upgrade to Paid! I’m trying to fund my revenge tour.
🎓 Ready to Learn? Check Out My Courses!🎓
☠️ It Just Makes Sense! Choices Through an Autistic Lens☠️
This isn’t a flashy, overpriced thing. It’s a small but mighty course designed to uncover the logic behind your choices. Think of it as clarity meets practicality. Affordable, straightforward, and made for you. Ready to make sense of things? Explore the course ➡️ here! ⬅️
**********************************************************************
☠️ Adult Autism 101: The Ultimate Guide for Newly Identified Adults ☠️
Learn how autism shapes your way of thinking, living, and engaging with the world in a way that finally feels clear. Explore the course here!
**********************************************************************
P.S. I don’t think it should cost a small fortune to learn about yourself. These courses are affordable because they’re meant to be accessible, but don’t let the price fool you—they’re packed with value. Honestly, it’s a steal (and hey, a little pocket change for some snacks on my end doesn’t hurt either!).
I realised no-one was coming when I was 7.
My intense distress and meltdown over something that my mum minimised as an overreaction on my part, was the moment I knew there was nobody to protect me. Nobody to see me. Nobody cared enough about me to want to understand me and shield me from things that would hurt me.
In fact, it felt like my mum was colluding with the cause of my distress, to shame me into being more like her and my dad. My parents did that for decades until I was diagnosed, because it was at that point I stopped feeling shame for not being like them, they tried to ramp up their attacks on my way of being, and I cut contact.
It just always was so I didn't get what was missing, the subtle verbal and emotional abuse washed over me. As a teen silently screaming as another form of abuse occurred following a severe concussion. At 18 as an addict running away to get clean - I found a place where being a bit weird was fine but also many that could see that I was one of them from the type of abuse we shared even though it took me many years to know it.