The Exhaustion of Overexplaining
Have you ever found yourself tirelessly justifying why certain things simply don’t sit right with you? It’s not just about explaining why that noisy party drained every ounce of energy from you or why you need to retreat after too much socializing. It’s deeper, more personal—an endless loop of trying to validate your experiences in a world that constantly questions them.
For those of us who discovered we’re autistic later in life, this isn’t just tiring. It’s soul-crushing.
Imagine, for a moment, the mental gymnastics involved in second-guessing every reaction you have. Why is it on us to make others comfortable with our reality? To convince them that our sensitivities aren’t overblown, that our need for quiet isn’t unreasonable, and that our way of experiencing the world is just as legitimate as anyone else’s? The doubt, the self-questioning—Am I being too sensitive? Too picky? Too difficult?—it’s a relentless storm that leaves you depleted, questioning your sanity.
This exhaustion isn’t just a passing feeling. It’s a bone-deep weariness that comes from living in a society that demands you constantly explain yourself. It’s like carrying a weight that no one else can see, a burden of proof that never lets up.
But never forget that your experiences are valid. Full stop. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you move through life. The constant justifications? They’re not your responsibility. The exhaustion? It’s a shared reality among many in our community, evidence of the unseen challenges we face every day.
You’re not alone in this. Not anymore. And knowing that—truly knowing that—is formidable. It’s a reminder that in this vast world, there are others who get it, who won’t demand you explain yourself over and over. In our community, we see each other. We recognize the struggles, the silent battles, and the moments of doubt. We understand the weight you carry.
And sometimes, just knowing that—just feeling seen and understood—is all you need to keep going.
— Autistic Ang
* Upgrade to Paid! Free-tier? Yikes! Sounds exhausting.
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Thank you so much for including an audio recording of this article. As a hyperlexic person who struggles to understand tone in person and is also low vision, reading is headache-inducing and can feel like tone detection on hard mode.
Hearing a piece of writing read (especially by the author) helps us with comprehension.
Thanks for sharing. :)
It is exhausting! Lately. I've been trying to stop myself whenever I feel pressured to justify my preferences. Sometimes I even say, I don't really feel I have to justify this. It's kind of empowering :)