In a world where deception often feels like the easiest path, our commitment to honesty sets us apart. As late-identified autistic adults, we’ve always felt an innate, intrinsic need to be truthful, even when we didn’t fully know why. This integrity is way more than a trait—it’s a lifeline that has carried us through the confusion and isolation of our misunderstood lives.
Our sense of right and wrong runs deep. It’s not simply telling the truth but living it every day. We can’t help but be real, even when it costs us friendships or professional opportunities. This steadfast honesty, sometimes labeled as inflexibility, reveals the core of who we are: resilient, unwavering, true to ourselves.
Living with this level of integrity is tricky. It frequently means standing alone, facing skepticism, or being perceived as difficult. But it also means we’re dependable, trustworthy, and greatly respected by those who see us for who we actually are. Our integrity isn’t some flaw. It’s our vigor, our guiding star.
As we stay in our truth, we encourage others to find theirs. We don’t need to make grand statements. Our consistent, genuine presence is enough to contest the status quo. In a society desperate for genuine connection and reliability, our integrity shines brightly. We’re the quiet keepers of truth, finding power in our staunch honesty and inspiring others to find power in theirs.
How has your understanding of integrity shaped your relationships and self-perception as a late-identified autistic adult? In what ways have you found strength in your commitment to honesty and authenticity, even when it’s been hard?
— Autistic Ang
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My honesty always got me into trouble with family and friends, and especially with bosses who expected obedience from their subordinates (especially the last boss, who fiercely gaslighted me.) Usually, it was because I was always so quiet and observing, soaking it up and processing it, so when I did speak up, it would cause a "tizzy." I imagine they saw my truth-telling as a sign of disrespect, but it's the opposite. I respected them enough to tell them the truth and to be honest about my thoughts, especially if I felt they were missing a piece or more that would make a world of difference in whatever they were proposing. I have no regrets about being truthful, some appreciated it, and I sucked it up when they were offended and pissed off at me. It is what it is.
His honesty was one of the things I loved about my autistic partner. It was a marvel to me that he'd still kept alive the will to stand up for truth and the right answers (especially in his clinical practice) because it was a set of beliefs I'd found the need to hide and minimize starting around age twelve. Rigid integrity and the desire to do a good job - even if it meant showing up your lazy coworkers, publicly correcting your boss, challenging doctors, refusing to indulge your friends - seemed like they needed to take second fiddle to social niceties in this world we all lived in.
I still know how to put my head down and get by, better than he ever did. But I also think the oodles of experience autistics tend to develop with rejection, by the time they reach adulthood, can serve them well when it comes to challenging wrong things. We develop a callousness towards it that lets us speak more freely than people who still fear others' scorn.