Leaving Somewhere Too Soon
One of the worst feelings in human existence is being seen leaving somewhere immediately after arriving.
You walk into a coffee shop. The music’s wrong. Or there’s nowhere safe to sit. Or some dude is conducting a Bluetooth meeting at full theatrical volume about “pivoting deliverables.”
Rapidly, every cell in your body rises and votes to flee.
But now there’s a social problem.
Because if you leave too quickly, everyone will know.
Know what? Impossible to say. That you failed at being a human for nine consecutive seconds? That the energy felt electrically uninhabitable? That your internal ecosystem collapsed near the pastry case?
You implement delay rituals. Pretend to check your phone. Stare at muffins with counterfeit concentration. Sometimes even buy a drink you don’t want just to create narrative continuity.
It’s staggering how much of adulthood is amateur stagecraft designed to conceal invisible exits.
The funny thing is most people probably aren’t observing us at all. Yet the sensation remains absolute. Ancient. Animal.
Seen leaving too soon feels perilously close to being correctly identified.
Not rude necessarily, nor anxious.
Merely constitutionally incompatible with fluorescent optimism and a chair positioned three inches too far from the wall.
Sometimes survival is simply exiting before your nervous system starts chewing through the restraints.
— Autistic Ang
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I used to leave chocolate shops if they had insufficient ventilation. For many years chocolate would give me migraines until I dealt with and came to peace with my childhood. Now I occasionally binge on chocolate.
Other places, grin and bear it until I can exit or limit total exposure time lke grocery stores.
Oh yeah, I totally felt that one. I have an expression called being "squeezed out" of a place that might be too noisy or crowded for my comfort and optimal functioning.