I'm Letting My Guard Down

But Only a Little

It starts with the tiniest step. A gesture so small, no one else even notices. Maybe it’s the way your fingers start to trace familiar patterns against your leg, or how your foot taps in that rhythmic, soothing way you’ve always stifled around other people.

It’s not much. But it’s something.

The decision to let your guard down doesn’t come easily. You’ve spent a lifetime in hyper-alert mode—managing, masking, making sure that everything about you appears “right” to those watching. And it’s a lot. You’ve become a master at this game, even if it’s one you never wanted to play.

But one day, something shifts. You decide that, just maybe, you’ll take a small risk.

It’s not about some grand gesture of vulnerability. No one’s asking you to bare your soul or dive into the deep end of human connection. This isn’t about tearing down the walls. Just loosening one brick.

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Just letting someone see a glimpse of the real you.

It’s in the small occurrences: when you stim without feeling like you need to apologize, when you don’t force a smile that doesn’t want to appear, when you allow yourself to sit in silence because it feels good—not because it’s expected.

These occurrences may seem insignificant to others, but to you, they’re monumental. They’re proof that you’re learning, little by little, to trust the world with your true self. You’re letting your guard down—not all the way, not yet—but just enough to finally breathe.

And in that sacred little space that you’ve created, there’s freedom you never expected. You’re showing the world something real, something you don’t normally offer. It’s terrifying, sure, but totally worth it. Because in letting your guard down just a little, you’re making room for something equally fragile and important: connection.

— Autistic Ang

(New Autistic Living Toolkit post)

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