There’s a kind of silence in you that people misread. They think if you’re not chasing something, you must be lost. If you’re not declaring your next step, you must not have one.
But you do. You always have. You’ve just never needed a finish line to start walking.
The direction you follow doesn’t come from pressure. It doesn’t come from timelines or bullet points or vision boards.
It comes from somewhere tranquil. Slower.
It’s the tug in your chest when something feels sincere. The steady pull toward what makes sense in your bones, despite not making sense on paper.
Yes, occasionally it looks like stillness. Like indecision.
But it’s not.
It’s listening. Settling with what hasn’t spoken yet.
You’re not behind. Or drifting.
You’re in motion—just not the kind people recognize.
And when you do move, it isn’t forced. It isn’t reactive. It’s ready. You’ve waited long enough to know.
There’s nothing lazy about your pace. Nothing passive about the way you feel your way forward. There’s intention in it. Integrity. Even grace.
Let them compete. Let them rush. You aren’t here to perform urgency.
You’re building something that will last, even if you don’t have the words for it yet.
— Autistic Ang
(New Autistic Thought Experiment here)
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What you have written about has been my "speed" all of my life. Everything I do is at my own pace. On my own time. It drives some people nuts because they expect me to jump at the snap of their fingers and want me to ask, "How high?" What always mattered to me was the process and the result. The process, which might be unlike how other people would do it, but the result would not only be the same, but tweaked differently in a more intuitive way, it might be a little rough around the edges, but it worked and there is always room for improvement. By the end result, I gave them something to think about, to see differently, (to see me differently.) They received something from me that they wouldn't have gotten any other way. Since my retirement, I am moving at my own pace, and it's wonderful! My Fred laughs and says, "You're on retirement time." No, I'm just finally, on my own time.
This pretty well describes me too. I had an ex accuse me of not having any goals (or maybe it was ambitions? either way...). It was, I suppose a fair criticism from her POV, and at the time I didn't have a coherent response to it, which didn't help.
Still, I do have goals, but I take a meandering while to get to them. Lots of second guessing, overplanning, and all that.