It took a lot of guts for me to finally start saying "No" and putting up with the complaints about being "Anti-social." "A stick in the mud." "The party pooper." And whatever other "cute" phrases the collective social "they" could come up with to describe me and my stubborn unwillingness to commit to doing something they think is fun...sigh... Eventually, I started having fun with my saying "No" (or "Hmmmmm, Nope" if I'm particularly spicy when asked.) And, most importantly not sharing excuses why I don't want to follow them off the cliff that day, and relishing in the relief that at last I learned a skill that benefited me, not someone else. :)
Yes! Thank you for your comments, they always make me smile because of how vailidating they are. Yep got the same kinds of complaints, many of which were just plain mean. I detested how people chose to personalize my “no” rather than view it as a personal preference. I now use it freely and it feels f’n fantastic every single… well, most of the time 😆
This was a visceral read for me because I felt it on such an intimate level. It is hard to show up authentically when that authenticity might alienate you, but as I've started to create a group of like-minded neurodivergent people, it's becoming easier to engage more authentically and say real yes's more often and real no's as often as I need them, too.
Thank you. “Real yeses and real no’s” is such a good way to say it. That’s the change… being around people who don’t require a dance first. I’m sure we’re all so sick of that lame performance. Yay to finding more spaces where honesty doesn’t cost so much 🥰
I worked really hard on saying no to things. It caused a lot of anxiety at first, but it got easier. Any human interaction is so exhausting for me so I get burnt out and my immune system is negatively affected. Something that is still difficult for me is saying no to extended family gatherings. I love my family but big groups are too much and I still end up feeling like an outcast (even though I think a lot of them are neurodivergent too). It takes lots and lots of practice, but I’m getting better at reminding myself to focus on my needs and listen to my gut.
Yeah, “any” human interaction is super interesting to me but I totally get how quickly your nervous system gets slapped and then your body pays for it too. And the family gathering thing… yep. And yikes. I just can’t with big groups.. they’re a lot, even when you love the people.
The outcast feeling is weird and painful especially when half the room is probably ND too. I wonder why that is? I’ve had similar experiences in different online spaces. I mean I get it, just because we’re all ND doesn’t mean we’re all gonna get along. But the outcast feeling didn’t feel any different with them, and I didn’t expect that.
I’m really proud of you for practicing saying no and trusting your gut more 😺
I guess I should have said most interactions exhaust me lol sorry, I’m very grateful to have a small group of people I can totally be myself with though and not feel exhausted afterward.
I didn’t expect that outcast feeling to be so similar in those spaces either. It is very interesting. I try to tell myself that I’ll find connection somewhere since it’s such a diverse community.
Thank you for the response by the way! I love reading your posts 😌
It took a lot of guts for me to finally start saying "No" and putting up with the complaints about being "Anti-social." "A stick in the mud." "The party pooper." And whatever other "cute" phrases the collective social "they" could come up with to describe me and my stubborn unwillingness to commit to doing something they think is fun...sigh... Eventually, I started having fun with my saying "No" (or "Hmmmmm, Nope" if I'm particularly spicy when asked.) And, most importantly not sharing excuses why I don't want to follow them off the cliff that day, and relishing in the relief that at last I learned a skill that benefited me, not someone else. :)
Yes! Thank you for your comments, they always make me smile because of how vailidating they are. Yep got the same kinds of complaints, many of which were just plain mean. I detested how people chose to personalize my “no” rather than view it as a personal preference. I now use it freely and it feels f’n fantastic every single… well, most of the time 😆
I enjoy being alone. Saying no is easier for me than going. Thank you for this, Ang!
This was a visceral read for me because I felt it on such an intimate level. It is hard to show up authentically when that authenticity might alienate you, but as I've started to create a group of like-minded neurodivergent people, it's becoming easier to engage more authentically and say real yes's more often and real no's as often as I need them, too.
Thank you. “Real yeses and real no’s” is such a good way to say it. That’s the change… being around people who don’t require a dance first. I’m sure we’re all so sick of that lame performance. Yay to finding more spaces where honesty doesn’t cost so much 🥰
I worked really hard on saying no to things. It caused a lot of anxiety at first, but it got easier. Any human interaction is so exhausting for me so I get burnt out and my immune system is negatively affected. Something that is still difficult for me is saying no to extended family gatherings. I love my family but big groups are too much and I still end up feeling like an outcast (even though I think a lot of them are neurodivergent too). It takes lots and lots of practice, but I’m getting better at reminding myself to focus on my needs and listen to my gut.
Yeah, “any” human interaction is super interesting to me but I totally get how quickly your nervous system gets slapped and then your body pays for it too. And the family gathering thing… yep. And yikes. I just can’t with big groups.. they’re a lot, even when you love the people.
The outcast feeling is weird and painful especially when half the room is probably ND too. I wonder why that is? I’ve had similar experiences in different online spaces. I mean I get it, just because we’re all ND doesn’t mean we’re all gonna get along. But the outcast feeling didn’t feel any different with them, and I didn’t expect that.
I’m really proud of you for practicing saying no and trusting your gut more 😺
I guess I should have said most interactions exhaust me lol sorry, I’m very grateful to have a small group of people I can totally be myself with though and not feel exhausted afterward.
I didn’t expect that outcast feeling to be so similar in those spaces either. It is very interesting. I try to tell myself that I’ll find connection somewhere since it’s such a diverse community.
Thank you for the response by the way! I love reading your posts 😌
hm, i say fake yes a lot i just realized... thank you for this.